


if I could do it all again

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Fluff, Kylo Ren Redemption, M/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Kylo Ren comes back to Poe Dameron, before the events of the Jakku mission — and now, nothing can split them up. Not even the First Order, if they tried.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Bad Day Collection, Darkpilot Songbook





	if I could do it all again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title based on Our Last Night’s cover of Selena Gomez’ “Back To You".

Kylo never thought that he would be on the run from the Knights of Ren, of all people. 

It wasn’t supposed to be this way, and he knew it. It wasn’t supposed to end in him actually being on the run from Snoke and the Knights, when he had mistakenly thought that Snoke and the Knights would bring him a sort of belonging. 

A sort of certainty. 

But it seemed that he failed. At just about everything. Failed at being a Jedi. Failed at being a Knight of Ren. If he had failed at so much, who, really, was he?

Who was he? 

He hadn’t taken his usual shuttle even as he landed on Yavin IV. It seemed like the most logical place to look, at least when it came to Poe. 

If he was Poe, where would he hide?

Even as his TIE fighter docked there, Kylo stepped out, taking in the clear blue sky of Yavin IV. The thick jungles, where he and Poe used to play. He remembered running through fields as a small boy, how he and Poe had been so happy then. 

And then they had been separated. Multiple times. Being sent to the Academy. Running away from home, to Kijimi. Ben, having to leave Adani — leave everyone including this loving, caring man he’d fallen in love with behind. 

They weren’t supposed to be separated. They just weren’t. 

Kylo looked around, wondering, if he was Poe, where he would be. That was a stupid question, of course. He’d probably be at home. 

***

”It’s you.”

Poe’s face, fluctuating between shock, anger, betrayal, relief...staring at Kylo like he's the bright center of the universe. 

”It is.” Kylo’s glad he destroyed the mask long ago — he isn’t about to frighten Poe. To give him the wrong impression. 

”I thought you’d died.” Brown eyes, staring up at Kylo, accusingly. Angry on top, hurt and confused underneath. 

”I thought I did. I thought I wanted to.” Kylo thinks back, thinks back to him crushing the kyber crystal in his hand. “I thought I didn’t belong with the Jedi. And...what Luke did...”

He tells Poe. He doesn’t miss the way Poe tenses — a protective sort of anger. 

“You could have gone to me,” Poe says. “I could have helped." 

”You could have.” Kylo thinks about it, really thinks about it. What kind of life that he could have had with Poe, if he hadn’t made the wrong decisions. 

He can feel Poe’s own discontent. It would be easy for him to say it out loud, but he doesn’t think he can hurt Poe like this. 

”What’s wrong?” he says. He wants to let Poe say it. 

”I don’t think I can do this,” Poe says. “Fighting in the Resistance. Sometimes I think that I’m being squeezed into a role I was never meant to be in.”

”Poe, you deserve so much better than that.”

”I can’t just leave,” Poe says. “Someone has to defend people who need it.”

”I know.” Sweet, noble, impassioned Poe, with so much love to give. Kylo...he doesn’t know if he can say he loves him — because there is only so much that he can say. Only so much he’s worthy of. He can hold back telling Poe that Poe is everything to him. Poe will know by his actions, anyway. “We can start a new path, if we want to.”

”The Resistance needs me.”

”I know.” Then, “We’ll carve out this new path in the Resistance, together.”

A beat. Then, “You’re here. You’re really here.”

”And you were waiting.”

”No matter where I am, I’ve always been waiting for you.”

***

Poe takes his X-wing. BB-8 is overjoyed to see Kylo again; Kylo wonders if the astromech realizes how much he’s changed. Probably too much. The man he was, molded until he lost sight of himself. 

He’ll find some common ground. Poe said to meet him at the rendez-vous. D’Qar. Now...now he can reunite with everyone else. Family included. 

He’s been away too long, Kylo thinks as he blasts off into hyperspace. But he’ll make things right. 


End file.
